The concept of homework

.... is a pile of pee (which is a liquid but hey you now know my feeling towards homework)

yes now its fair enough the teacher must give you some questions to practise outside of the lesson but this is the problem.......

"In later life you wont get a second chance on doing work at home..." now thats what a teacher once said to me and i found 2 main problems with this.

1. the teacher on this stupid quote is mentioning later life not realising that she must not have a clue about later life because she went through school, through college, even university and after all of that became a teacher. in short how could she ever know what later life is like, she never left the education system.

2. another problem is that in later life she is presuming that i will be at work. yes thats true but at what job do you get set homework? thats right teaching....

3. and the last problem is that by saying "...you wont get a second chance..." is assuming that i want the second chance to do the homework. Which if that was the case i would of done my homework in the first place and she wouldn't of needed to say it.

all of which leads me to beleive that when teachers set homework its because they know no different. they dont realise that we dont learn by homework. IF we do it its half arssed with a big help from wikipedia and after all i when on to get a B in that subject without a single minute of homework or revision. shame on you teacher!!!

BRUVS SELF HELP

yes here is my first in self help posts for your enjoyment. remember i hold no responsibility for you being a burke and actually beleiving what im about to type.

First step to becoming a less stressful and more relaxed individual is remembering to follow the 4 steps.

1. SOUL

this is most in depth and individual step and should be taken with a degree of caution.

when in a situation of worry or stress just think. "who am i?" now remember events that you have been through or people that you know do not make up who you are!! think if your a cheery extrovert or a more secluded introvert and think should I be worrying about this? is this me?

If not then why are you worrying about this for god sake you will do a lot better for yourself if you keep to your own or keep to the important. and if this is you then your where you stop. relax and realising that you shouldnt be worrying about this..

2. Emotion

The second step is simple and is the step that everyone seems to skip to. How does this situation make you feel? if the sitaution is making you feel really bad then what is it about the situation thats making you feel this way? what exactly is the scource of all your worry, stress doubt or anxiety? without this step its impossible to move on so it is important to realise how you feel and why you feel like this. of course youve got to make sure that your not being irrational. like girls do when someone hurts there mate. "OH GOD HOW DARE THEY DO THAT TO HER SHES MY BEST MATE.......etc" remember in them situations as much as you would love to help your mate it isnt your problem to be feeling bad about and so if this is the start of all bad feelings... GET A GRIP.

3. Mind

This is a step wich everyone assumes they have done.

USE YOUR LOAF! (loaf = brain)

by this point you know that it is up to you to think about the situation (soul)

you know where the feeling of stress is from (emotion)

and now you have to think how to fix this situation. and no it wont feel better if you sit and worry about it. How are u going to go and fix this problem? if there isnt any physical thing you can do then stop thinking on the situation cus theres naff all you can do to help it.

and thats the key of this step.

4.Body

This is the hardest part.....

youve thought of a solution so now is the time to get off your back side and do it!!!

if your still stressing after this you need to remember back to (mind) theres nothing else you can do so stop thinking on it!!! if the problem goes tits up at this point then thats a shame but you did your best so there is no point stressing about something that is certainly going to go wrong. just remember to prepare as much as possible for the cause of the worry and you should be fine.

and thats it pls leave your comments on facebook or here.

when i wikied about horrible parasites

ok here is the countdown of horrid pests. (not in any perticuler order just ones i find out first)

5. THE EARWIG

earwig is rarely known to be a parasite but looks horrid just the same errr.

4.Tapeworm

Taeniasis is a tapeworm infection. Tapeworm infestation does not usually cause any symptoms. Infection is generally recognized when the infected person passes segments of proglottids in the stool, especially if the segment is moving. Mmm sounds like fun! Not. People acquire tapeworms by eating undercooked meat or freshwater fish that contain tapeworm cysts. Tapeworms in the intestine usually cause no symptoms but may cause abdominal discomfort, diarrhoea, and loss of appetite. Though however if they are in the brain, larval cysts cause various symptoms, such as headaches, seizures, and confusion. [JFrater: Given the choice of a picture of the worm itself, and the picture above, it was a no-brainer.]

3. Guinea worm

Guinea worm disease used to thrive in some of the world's poorest areas, particularly those with limited or no access to clean water, can grow to 2–3 feet long and be as thick as a noodle. larvae find their way to the body cavity where the female mates with a male Guinea worm. The male worm dies after mating and is absorbed.The female, which contains larvae, burrows into the deeper connective tissues or adjacent to long bones or joints of the extremities. FESTERING

2. Candiru the pee fish

Candirus are small fish. Adults can grow to around 15 cm with a rather small head and a belly that can appear distended, especially after a large blood meal. The body is translucent making it quite difficult to spot in the turbid waters of its home. There are short sensory barbels around the head, together with short, backward pointing spines on the gill covers. In this instance, the victim claimed that the candiru "jumped" into his urethra as he urinated while thigh-deep in a river. (his urethra being the hole where u pee from OUCH!)

1. The Ascaris worm

The next worm to grace our list is arguably the most disgusting of the lot. A larger cousin of the Hookworm, Ascaris is a giant sized roundworm that can reach as long as 40cm, as opposed to little over 1cm. It too sets up shop in its host's small intestine, using its characteristic mouth, which is surrounded by three less than luscious lips. Ascaris is in fact the parasite most familiar to us humans, though the fact that up to 25% percent of the world's population is infected certainly doesn't make it any more welcome in our bowels. Sickness, fever, and heavy infestations with severe intestinal blockages kill up to 20,000 people a year.

Quotes about myself from fellow piers

1. "in that jacket you command a certain authority that still leaves you approachable" Beth

2. "YOU ARE PART OF THE LUMINATI!!" Angela Smith

3. "You moron." Stephen mabbut

4. "your such a pedo matt" Jade cast, Tom cast, Lewis ward, Tahir Khan, Jamie Buchan, Megan Rodger

5. "you utter burke" myself

6. "alright shag" Dave leigh

7. "yeh we super glued the table... You have really clear skin!" Jade cast

8. " you tit" Dan Ley

9. "nice belly matt...." Beth

10. "you look very old today" Dave leigh

why am i a christian

its because I have a partiality to wearing socks with sandals.......

yeah right, at first it was my parents who turned Christian when i was about 8 and like any 8 year old I went along with it. of course there is a god,

of course the Easter bunny exists, Santa does exist because he is my dad oh and of course my teeth stopped falling out because the tooth fairy was getting poor.

then i started to become aware of my own opinion, it was a rocky road with challenges and stumbling blocks that I still struggle with today, i couldn't tell the difference from my opinion and fact and i had problems with being wrong and i still struggle with the idea that other people have different opinions. (as if they have)

by the time i was 11 i diddnt beleive but to save all grief i would get from my parents namely christopher leigh. i lied. "yes jesus loves me woooohooooo"

hmmmmm. when i got to 13 i started to have a look around for some kind of scientific evidence against God. after all God is a ludicrous idea. one entity designing the entirity of the universe sounded about as believable as the idea of politicians avoiding corruption. but when i looked into it i found that alot of the top physicians in the world and most of the top guys in britain were christian.

so i stopped my search there. after all the evidence i wanted comes from a bunch of christians.....

and so i took the long and very stubborn road to beleiving and arguing with youth leaders.

(I WASNT GOING WITHOUT A FIGHT)

i truely beleived when i was around 14 after a long winded argument with the God i diddnt beleive in at which i said " GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A RIDICULOUS IDEA TO BELEIVE IN!!!" and he answered "

for the same reason you like that hairstyle".

..... lol

ok not quite true but vaguely thats how it was. please leave a post on facebook if you can be bothered till next time sports fans

Burke : the meaning and all that surrounds the word

BURKE

to be or act like and idiot/numpty/ plonker in order to taunt teese or annoy someone.

can also be the general name for an ignorant or perticularly dense person.

Conditions of calling someone a burke:

1. if someone says something really dense out of character

2. if said person falls over a really small or non exsistent object

3. if someone digs themselves a hole by trying to redeem stupid comment

4. if someone does something in a completely illogical manner

5. if someone decides that they will split up with gf cus of boredom (sam buchan)

6. if someone brags

7. if someone will not shut up.

8. or if they are any of the groups below

Usual people who deserve the title of burke:

chavs

dense teens

racists

sexists

men or boys with stupidly high voices (eg alan carr or justin beiber)

people with annoying voices

people who wear clothes 30 years too young for them

nosy people

those who cant understand the idea of someone else having an opinion

atheists

and really slow drivers

Any other problems with the word burke

if wrongly used the person who said "burke" is now under the condition 1.

If someone says "burke should be spelt birk" then they are a burke for not realising that the word is named after the singer. because she is a burke.