The reason why im both so proud and depressed

when thinking of this country and its greatness first we look into history.

The romans tried to conquer us.

1. lost 2 legions by smashing there boats on the white cliffs of dover

2. when they did land they got beaten up by a bunch of burley farmers.

3. then they got to whales and lost 2 legions to the welsh

4. they couldnt take over scotland so built a big wall to keep the scottish out.

5. the roman empire collapsed but the scottish (then called celts) were still there.

1066 the french arrive with william the conquorer

1. williams grandad was an exciled ENGLISH king

2. that makes william english

3. which means the french never conquored.

4. britain wars against france until the early 20th century.

5 . france with its country of 4 times the size never get close to taking britain.

6. british empire continues to grow so that it covers more than 1/4 of the worlds surface.

world war 1 and 2

1. we win world war one along with some help

2. inbetween world war1 and 2 we give our empire back to the original countries showing the mercy we had.

3.world war 2, france and the rest of the vast continent of europe is taken over. little old britain holds the nazis out.

4. we win the war

so overall what a great country we have and when i remember these things i get very happy. I feel proud to be british, proud of free health care proud of democracy and proud of our diverse public.

then i walk into a council estate.

and all of those feelings leave instantly.

on the subject of superpowers

ok in bens blog he rants on for ages on the subject of superpowers.

so thats whats going to happen here

FIRSTLY what power would i want most......

MIND CONTROL oh definately now this would mean the avoidance of paying for food, making people forget my awekward situations i put myself into and would also mean i could convince some one to pay me for blogging.

secondly my favourite super hero is:

BATMAN yeh right he diddnt even have a power

nope its actually hiro nakamura off of heroes. what a happy chappy. he has the power to stop or travel through time with his trusty freind ando oh yeh he also has kick "ass" samurai sword skills.

HIS CATCH PHRASE IS "YATTA"

My long awaited second blog actually about me

i say long awaited although thats just a blatent lie. noones been waiting for it ive just noticed the foul/ funny posts have been taking over recently and now im going to top you up with my latest rant on life.

i warn you now some of you may already of heard this one but it gets to me.

UGG BOOTS

ok i dont have a problem with them in particuler its just the stupidness of them now.

firstly i swear to God himself that all women from the age of 16 to the age of around 34 that you see in town now all look the same thanks to long blonde straightened hair, tight jeans/ jeggings and last but not least the ugg boot.

which have got furryier and furryier as the months go on. it starts of with the bland but ok looking standard uggs. then people decide to take the furr from the inside and use the as nice linings so it adds a nice touch to the boot.

now in the typical style of the fashion world someone decided to take it a step too far, in this case they ran three miles over the point of too far.

have a look around next time your in town, and you will notice that the shins of nearly every women/ girl wearing ugg boots is like a yeti. completely covered in fur to the point where the person does not have shins any more they just have huge cankles (where it is impossible to define the difference between foot and ankle).

Now why bother shaving your legs or even going to the insanity of waxing them if your just going to cover them up with 40 times the amount of fur???

now i dont know much about fashion as you have probably guessed so jades blogg is the best if you care enough to read about it but she does agree about the boots last time i asked. http://styleiconinpersonater.blogspot.com/

Rules of being near a leigh brother

ok so if you have seen me and my "lovely" brother dave next to eachother then you may notice after some times there are certain rules we expect the rest of the population to abide by.

there are loads so im not going to list them all just 20 of them..... lol
remember some of these rules are made by dave and i dont agree with them and some are made by me which dave thinks makes me "gay"

starting off at number

1. If it is possible to have your meal in a large version, then thats what your eating. otherwise your just a wimpy disgrace of a human being.

2. whats a vegetarian?

3. over 6 foot you are tall, below that you need to grow some more, gimli

4. "Bruv will never be a man"

5. stuff the shotgun rule im bigger than you are

6. If and when possible thoult shall mock wendels for his "titans"

7. If someone is perfectly fitted into a steryotype that is considered to be inferior or just ridiculous ( note the over bolded "i" and say it where necessary) then they are to be mocked either by imitating them or giving a screwed up/ constipated disgruntalled look.

8. THOULT SHALL GIVE ME THE REMOTE

9. The TV has 20 sound settings, lets find the 21st

10. whoever says that we look like our father should be talked down to with a calm yet stern "Can it"

11. Bruv is his name, what made you think otherwise

12. the leigh brothers do not look like eachother. well done, micheal jackson looked nothing like jamain

13. Someone outside of being a leigh will have the same opinion as said leigh. difference is too hard to comprehend

14. dave is stronger than bruv. may god save you if you say otherwise to dave

15. Bruv hasnt worked all day hes been at school

(heres bruvs section)
16. Dave is a burke and therefore all comments should be thought over if they have come from his mouth.

17. At home dave is nice enough to crack bruvs toes (without warning or permission). at some point remind him of his cruelness

18. Any man doubting the fitness of cheryl cole should get out.

19. neither of the leighs have ever counted the calories in their food. neither should you

20. if a film has no action, death or something to stimulate the mind within the first ten minutes do not be surprised if it is swiftly turned off.

and there we have it the 20 rules of being near a leigh brother hope you had a little inside chuckle(or LIC)

The concept of homework

.... is a pile of pee (which is a liquid but hey you now know my feeling towards homework)

yes now its fair enough the teacher must give you some questions to practise outside of the lesson but this is the problem.......

"In later life you wont get a second chance on doing work at home..." now thats what a teacher once said to me and i found 2 main problems with this.

1. the teacher on this stupid quote is mentioning later life not realising that she must not have a clue about later life because she went through school, through college, even university and after all of that became a teacher. in short how could she ever know what later life is like, she never left the education system.

2. another problem is that in later life she is presuming that i will be at work. yes thats true but at what job do you get set homework? thats right teaching....

3. and the last problem is that by saying "...you wont get a second chance..." is assuming that i want the second chance to do the homework. Which if that was the case i would of done my homework in the first place and she wouldn't of needed to say it.

all of which leads me to beleive that when teachers set homework its because they know no different. they dont realise that we dont learn by homework. IF we do it its half arssed with a big help from wikipedia and after all i when on to get a B in that subject without a single minute of homework or revision. shame on you teacher!!!

BRUVS SELF HELP

yes here is my first in self help posts for your enjoyment. remember i hold no responsibility for you being a burke and actually beleiving what im about to type.

First step to becoming a less stressful and more relaxed individual is remembering to follow the 4 steps.

1. SOUL

this is most in depth and individual step and should be taken with a degree of caution.

when in a situation of worry or stress just think. "who am i?" now remember events that you have been through or people that you know do not make up who you are!! think if your a cheery extrovert or a more secluded introvert and think should I be worrying about this? is this me?

If not then why are you worrying about this for god sake you will do a lot better for yourself if you keep to your own or keep to the important. and if this is you then your where you stop. relax and realising that you shouldnt be worrying about this..

2. Emotion

The second step is simple and is the step that everyone seems to skip to. How does this situation make you feel? if the sitaution is making you feel really bad then what is it about the situation thats making you feel this way? what exactly is the scource of all your worry, stress doubt or anxiety? without this step its impossible to move on so it is important to realise how you feel and why you feel like this. of course youve got to make sure that your not being irrational. like girls do when someone hurts there mate. "OH GOD HOW DARE THEY DO THAT TO HER SHES MY BEST MATE.......etc" remember in them situations as much as you would love to help your mate it isnt your problem to be feeling bad about and so if this is the start of all bad feelings... GET A GRIP.

3. Mind

This is a step wich everyone assumes they have done.

USE YOUR LOAF! (loaf = brain)

by this point you know that it is up to you to think about the situation (soul)

you know where the feeling of stress is from (emotion)

and now you have to think how to fix this situation. and no it wont feel better if you sit and worry about it. How are u going to go and fix this problem? if there isnt any physical thing you can do then stop thinking on the situation cus theres naff all you can do to help it.

and thats the key of this step.

4.Body

This is the hardest part.....

youve thought of a solution so now is the time to get off your back side and do it!!!

if your still stressing after this you need to remember back to (mind) theres nothing else you can do so stop thinking on it!!! if the problem goes tits up at this point then thats a shame but you did your best so there is no point stressing about something that is certainly going to go wrong. just remember to prepare as much as possible for the cause of the worry and you should be fine.

and thats it pls leave your comments on facebook or here.

when i wikied about horrible parasites

ok here is the countdown of horrid pests. (not in any perticuler order just ones i find out first)

5. THE EARWIG

earwig is rarely known to be a parasite but looks horrid just the same errr.

4.Tapeworm

Taeniasis is a tapeworm infection. Tapeworm infestation does not usually cause any symptoms. Infection is generally recognized when the infected person passes segments of proglottids in the stool, especially if the segment is moving. Mmm sounds like fun! Not. People acquire tapeworms by eating undercooked meat or freshwater fish that contain tapeworm cysts. Tapeworms in the intestine usually cause no symptoms but may cause abdominal discomfort, diarrhoea, and loss of appetite. Though however if they are in the brain, larval cysts cause various symptoms, such as headaches, seizures, and confusion. [JFrater: Given the choice of a picture of the worm itself, and the picture above, it was a no-brainer.]

3. Guinea worm

Guinea worm disease used to thrive in some of the world's poorest areas, particularly those with limited or no access to clean water, can grow to 2–3 feet long and be as thick as a noodle. larvae find their way to the body cavity where the female mates with a male Guinea worm. The male worm dies after mating and is absorbed.The female, which contains larvae, burrows into the deeper connective tissues or adjacent to long bones or joints of the extremities. FESTERING

2. Candiru the pee fish

Candirus are small fish. Adults can grow to around 15 cm with a rather small head and a belly that can appear distended, especially after a large blood meal. The body is translucent making it quite difficult to spot in the turbid waters of its home. There are short sensory barbels around the head, together with short, backward pointing spines on the gill covers. In this instance, the victim claimed that the candiru "jumped" into his urethra as he urinated while thigh-deep in a river. (his urethra being the hole where u pee from OUCH!)

1. The Ascaris worm

The next worm to grace our list is arguably the most disgusting of the lot. A larger cousin of the Hookworm, Ascaris is a giant sized roundworm that can reach as long as 40cm, as opposed to little over 1cm. It too sets up shop in its host's small intestine, using its characteristic mouth, which is surrounded by three less than luscious lips. Ascaris is in fact the parasite most familiar to us humans, though the fact that up to 25% percent of the world's population is infected certainly doesn't make it any more welcome in our bowels. Sickness, fever, and heavy infestations with severe intestinal blockages kill up to 20,000 people a year.

Quotes about myself from fellow piers

1. "in that jacket you command a certain authority that still leaves you approachable" Beth

2. "YOU ARE PART OF THE LUMINATI!!" Angela Smith

3. "You moron." Stephen mabbut

4. "your such a pedo matt" Jade cast, Tom cast, Lewis ward, Tahir Khan, Jamie Buchan, Megan Rodger

5. "you utter burke" myself

6. "alright shag" Dave leigh

7. "yeh we super glued the table... You have really clear skin!" Jade cast

8. " you tit" Dan Ley

9. "nice belly matt...." Beth

10. "you look very old today" Dave leigh

why am i a christian

its because I have a partiality to wearing socks with sandals.......

yeah right, at first it was my parents who turned Christian when i was about 8 and like any 8 year old I went along with it. of course there is a god,

of course the Easter bunny exists, Santa does exist because he is my dad oh and of course my teeth stopped falling out because the tooth fairy was getting poor.

then i started to become aware of my own opinion, it was a rocky road with challenges and stumbling blocks that I still struggle with today, i couldn't tell the difference from my opinion and fact and i had problems with being wrong and i still struggle with the idea that other people have different opinions. (as if they have)

by the time i was 11 i diddnt beleive but to save all grief i would get from my parents namely christopher leigh. i lied. "yes jesus loves me woooohooooo"

hmmmmm. when i got to 13 i started to have a look around for some kind of scientific evidence against God. after all God is a ludicrous idea. one entity designing the entirity of the universe sounded about as believable as the idea of politicians avoiding corruption. but when i looked into it i found that alot of the top physicians in the world and most of the top guys in britain were christian.

so i stopped my search there. after all the evidence i wanted comes from a bunch of christians.....

and so i took the long and very stubborn road to beleiving and arguing with youth leaders.

(I WASNT GOING WITHOUT A FIGHT)

i truely beleived when i was around 14 after a long winded argument with the God i diddnt beleive in at which i said " GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A RIDICULOUS IDEA TO BELEIVE IN!!!" and he answered "

for the same reason you like that hairstyle".

..... lol

ok not quite true but vaguely thats how it was. please leave a post on facebook if you can be bothered till next time sports fans

Burke : the meaning and all that surrounds the word

BURKE

to be or act like and idiot/numpty/ plonker in order to taunt teese or annoy someone.

can also be the general name for an ignorant or perticularly dense person.

Conditions of calling someone a burke:

1. if someone says something really dense out of character

2. if said person falls over a really small or non exsistent object

3. if someone digs themselves a hole by trying to redeem stupid comment

4. if someone does something in a completely illogical manner

5. if someone decides that they will split up with gf cus of boredom (sam buchan)

6. if someone brags

7. if someone will not shut up.

8. or if they are any of the groups below

Usual people who deserve the title of burke:

chavs

dense teens

racists

sexists

men or boys with stupidly high voices (eg alan carr or justin beiber)

people with annoying voices

people who wear clothes 30 years too young for them

nosy people

those who cant understand the idea of someone else having an opinion

atheists

and really slow drivers

Any other problems with the word burke

if wrongly used the person who said "burke" is now under the condition 1.

If someone says "burke should be spelt birk" then they are a burke for not realising that the word is named after the singer. because she is a burke.

skates arrived. life is like a donkey

My skates have arrived. yay

well thats the first part of the title over.

oh and the life is like a donkey thing.

sometimes an ass, sometimes like a muel.

but the rest of the time its a loyal freind who will carry you miles.

and thats my sentimental and philosophical comment of the week. if anyone asks you any deep or awekward questions just answer:

LIFE IS LIKE A DONKEY.

oh and ben if your reading this i will be making a video blog again at some point this week.

http://www.youtube.com/user/bruvleigh?feature=mhw5

rounders and answering abis question

i swear our church has the biggest amount of dirty poachers in the whole of the uk.
(dirty poacher is our term for cheating)

ive never played such a mash of rounders before, obstructions, buldozing the obstructions over or the batting team cathing the ball and throwing it away.
my team was the losing team but only because of the cheating nature of our opposition!!! grrr.

at anyrate abi had a question for me that i feel can be answered very easy.
"Why are guys never satisfied?"

she was actually asking about a particuler guy but i wont share his name. this answer is very simple.

GUYS CAN BE SATISFIED. the only problem is that we would never tell you...
and the guy that you are talking about is 16.

therefore he will not be satisfied with you cus he wont be with anyone for more than a month or two until hes a bit older. (there are exeptions to this so dont hold me to it)

guys at around his age in general are not looking for commitment.
hope that answers your question. now im going to curse ebay until my skates arrive!!!

I diddnt get my skates.....

CURSE YOU EBAY

Trying to predict the future

i cant post tommorow because i cant be bothered. sorry guys....

so i do know of one subject that i can talk about. my skates are supposed to arrive tomorrow. now i cant predict the reliability of the royal mail but i can post for both outcomes.

OUTCOME NUMBER 1

my skates have arrived, thus proving ebay to be just as awesome as it professes to be!

to bad i woke up at 11 i cud of been using them an hour ago. but hey i dont have to pay the extra 2 quid for the skate hire anymore.

OUTCOME NUMBER 2

DAMM IT EBAY YOU LIERS I COULD OF BEEN SKATING ON THEM BUY NOW YOU SMEGGY OOD SWINES!!!

so yes tommorow is the day of judgement wether ebay makes it or wether i have to send chuck norris to kick there sniping idea of a bidding system out of there idea of time and into nothing. (over did the chuckness there but hey) yes will ebay make it or not? depends onwether the owner of those skates has bothered to send me them or not.

PAINTING NAILS AS A BOY

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The danger to bungie runs

YES THEY ARE DEADLY.

and whats crazier is that ill be on one later (if i can get a lift)
if you dont know what a bungie run is its basically a huge buncy castle in the style of two runnng tracks.
dont the middle is some velcro tape which you have to0 stick beanbags to as far down the track as you can. all of this you are connected to a bungie which snaps you back when you reach your limit and it decapitates you every time.

the worst part is that they are completely and utterly addictive.

oh i lie there is a worse part. then i have the need to have a go in the sumo suites against my freakishly strong brother.

if im dead tommorow dont be suprised.

Ive just had a blood test

and what makes it weird is that my mum took my blood.

she is fully qualified of course but its horrid. the idea of something stabbing you is bad enough.

then you have your life fuel sucked out of you. (i dont care how much it is its just horrible generally). then you look up to see your mum holding the needle.

perfect.

anyways im off iceskating later and i have a freind who is quite good at it. hes been trying to prove that i am not good at iceskating because i havnt got a grade and he "has"...

well thats great.

hes had more weeks at it when i couldnt go for whatever reason and he has his own skates. mine wont be here till next week. but what he forgets is that when we were both skating he was falling all the time and i could take a full charge of any burke skating the wrong way. theres only one thing i cant do that i care about.

going backwards. cant do it. i was taught how but my body will not go backwards.

at any rate i can skate well enough to have fun. oh and i can talk to my mates without pissing them off for the sake of it

oh yeh

It was my birthday yesterday and i bought these skates

My first blog

Hi I'm matt and ill be Blogging my inner most thoughts and feelings (within reason) onto here!!! you lucky fiends. So first you will have to know who i am to understand me. im 17 and what you would class as a geek. I'm a Christian with the morals that go along with that. To be honest as much as i can make friends with almost anyone i keep my thoughts to myself and as much as i can get to know someone within an hour of meeting them i suspect its very hard to know me inside out until having a few years of being a mate.

recently ive been lucking into the differences in thinking between guys and girls. hmmm now thats a controversial subject. now i dont mean the trivial "girls like fashion guys like cars" thats just irrelevant. im on about the more useful. having most of my freinds as girls gives me a rare and not muched love perspective as the "guy" best friend. One such freind of mine ill just call E, she always had problems with men. "hes cheatin on me why cant he do this and that why doesnt he care how i think, why doesnt he just ask how i feel?"

now from a guys perspective i know the reason and it aint pretty. most guys dont care.

most just want a girlfreind for the obvious.

and even when hearing this girls either dont beleive the nice guys exsist or they just dont beleive me.

this is bad for the guys like me. now dont get me wrong im an arsehole for patronisation but im one of those guys who care. FOR SOME REASON .dont ask me why that is i just dont know.

with my last GF she cheated on me 9 times with the guy she hated for not having any emotion or any care for her... thanks lol.

so yeh most guys are nobs and most girls are hippocrits. which leaves the few exceptions to the rule stuffed with no self esteem.

Thank you society!!!!

at anyrate please leave your comments if you can (im new to blogspot)

id like to know what you think