Rubba Dub Dub Thanks for the *ehem*...... Grub

The welsh town of Llinelli is a strange place.

The double ll in the word is not pronounced how you would think but sounds more like a spitting horse who has a particularly bad cough. It is also the only place where i have seen a burnt out car on a street which otherwise you would expect to find in an uptown suburb. The ASDA that is in the town is perhaps the only good attraction other than the beach which you arnt supposed to swim at (neither would you want to unless your name is luke). In fact in the past week on several occasions i have seen youths sat in the porch reception area.... hanging out.
That and its even possible to meet a local man who has never heard of nottingham or Robin Hood.

However despite these rather tepid surroundings filled with dodgy accents and a language which was invented by a man suffering with a cold and dyslexia at the same time, my time there has been completely different. For one, at "Celebration for the Nations" most people there were korean. The seaside views were amazing and i still cant figure out why you couldnt smell the sea even when you were 3 feet away.

6 hours a day of worship music, well i thought it would be too much, but even when i left the hall or sat at the back i dont think there has ever been a situation where it is undeniable that the whole room (singing or not) were talking to the big cheese ( out of awekwardness or not). Why on earth did they pick llanelli for this event?

Saying that 6 hours was all there was would be lying tbh, especially for alot of the koreans who i either saw in the meeting or outside praying, but for us humble shirelings from notts as well. I beleive that worship isnt just singing and any christian who has had any connection with riverside youth group will have been told this. There hasnt been any other moment that has shown the worship of god through freindship and in my case eating, at any other time in my life. Where else does a genius family of music meet with koreans, an everington, duo generations of wendels and freinds, a creature from lincoln with a first name disquised as his surname, the tellings and a lad who hasnt been called by his real first name since early childhood?

Only through the guy who made the rather rash decision to save a guy now known as Grub.

Weirdnesses of the Catherine

Well in case you are not paying attention, yes i have a girlfreind, and yes i know that is incredible.

HOWEVER  this is Catherine and is in alot of ways even further removed from what you would call a normal human being than even i am. In general she is very strange and so i have made a list of the many weird and what i think is wonderful things that you may notice about Cathy Roberts.

1.  SHE IS OBSESSED WITH THE COULOR OF PINK yes yes i know alot of girls like pink but then again since when have i admitted girls are normal? plusif we want to get into this equality argument as a christian i beleive adam came before eve, which makes adam the first and therefore the normal upon which eve was based on, on which women was based on, so yeh it is weird she likes pink and she is OBSESSED with it.
   
2. SHE KNITS WHEN SHES BORED i think its quite funny that my girlfreind has the same hobbys as my grandma but heyy there has to be a point where the casual "oh i feel like knitting" turns into what catherine has turned out like. shes been known to knit ties for people and to bring her knitting into school. btw stephen that tie makes you look very handsome :P
   
3. SHE HAS A TWIN WHICH I COULDNT TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
   Imagine the consequences if this problem had continued, Gemma is Cathys twin and if you know them well its dead easy to tell the difference, but when Gemma doesnt go to your 6th form there is a problem,when i first met Cathy i hadnt seen a picture of her and gemma together and was convinced it was the same person, until i met them both in town , thanks Gemma for dying your hair red, it helped alot
   
4. HER INABILTY TO KEEP A SECRET WITHOUT HER FACE GIVING IT AWAY
   I do not agree with lying, however secrets dont involve lying it is just the art of NOT saying something, and someone as quiet as Cathy can be should find it easy shouldnt they? NO not this one. there is a habit of hers to turn into the coulour of her blouse/ top when under pressure trying to keep a secret, which makes it easy to spot saying that she normally wears pink or purple

5. HER PARENTS NICK NAME FOR HER
i thought catherine shortened to cath or cathy or maybe cat.


KATY LIZ???????? i dont get it its weird and its strange when i hijack her phone, look through her inbox (naturally) and see messages from her family calling her just that, its almost as strange as my grandad being called by his middle name since birth. WHY NOT JUST CALL HIM KEITH BRYAN WOODWARD INSTEAD OF BRYAN KEITH WOODWARD.


you can see that gets to me quite a bit.

and thats cathy for you summed up in all her weirdness, but before you ask why im being so critical i shall redeem myself. if cathy was normal she would be nothing like me and so not my type, all her weirdnesses are what i like so much bout her so meh im not a cruel boyfreind anymore you darn critics!!!

the like button

I hate facebook with everything i have yet i am obsessed with it.

which leads me to think why on earth they are insistant on making it worse for me. Its filled with people like me who spend there time at home on facebook instead of doing something, which means its impossible to start a good conversation with them.

So you find yourself "liking" pages that your freinds have also "liked". Theres cute little lovey pages for the girls to waste there time on HOPING that the right boy will take pity on them enough to go out with them (if they notice that they liked the page), then theres the downright funny ones which recreate real life situations that everyone "likes" because they assume that just because they have been in the same situation before they must therefore "like" it.

All these problems never occured back in the old school days of "becoma a fan" but then again they had there own problems with the unstoppable surveys and popups that for some reason EVERYONE USED. but hey good old facebook got rid of that problem with the "like" button......

oh yeh the surveys are still here, and thats right there not even surveys, if you were yelling at the screen for long enough to notice they arnt even surveys.

there prize draws and advertisements in my book thats not even a survey unless filling out your personal details is classed as a survey. NOT ONLY THAT but they have the cheek of calling them a short FREE survey. there about as free as a terrorist at guantamino bay.

So here we are on facebook with noone to talk to, countless farmville requests and mafia wars notifications and when we see a page we want to like we find ourselves on another website filling out a free survey which turns out not to be a survey but a conjob completely unrelated to the original thing we liked. we shut the page down go back to facebook to see that all of your freinds have seen what you have "liked" and have also gone through the same process. i dont know who invented this idea but they need to be linched

but if you are lucky enough to miss this horrible turn of events and you find yourself on a reasonably ok looking page that shows you what lady gaga looked like before she whent gaga you may also notice this huge misunderstanding that has also gripped facebook

"like this page to continue"
forgive me for being the most simple person on the planet but i thought that in order to "like" said picture of lady gaga i need to see it first in order to like it?

thats like saying that i like avocado...... i have never touched an avocado or tasted it and from the pictures ive seen it doesnt exactly look amazing so how can i possibly like the dam fruit???????

and then if thats not enough to drive me insane, yes theres more, they then ask you to suggest the page to all my freinds as well BEFORE I KNOW WHAT IT IS IM LIKING.

so imagine me and my avocado again for a minute ive stated that i like it when ive never tasted it and now im going to all my freinds that they should try it..... THATS MADNESS.

facebook the worst form of life deprivement there is yet i know that as soon as ive typed this up i shall be back on it. God help us all

Top ten ways to be remembered on the internet

Im back with a new trick

the trick of havingyou spend the time to leave facebook just to read my blog, im honoured really i am but i think that i may have an apology to some that i need to make. I promised a book

and i diddnt deliver, thing is noone can be bothered to read a chapter every day cus here on facebook, not an online book lol. So im sorry for the odd few, emily and ben who never saw what they wanted but hey i got as bored as everyone else.

SO what is the big subject today? ill tell ya

WHY NUDISTS DONT HAVE TEENAGER FREINDS


im not just on about nudists so dont worry im not about to hurt your eyes with any disgusting nonsense you would see on jeremy kyle. People are different and over the ages this has produced the tendancy for people to judge there fellow man or woman in many harsh yet almost true ways.

For example you wont find many teenagers with nudists as freinds for one clear reason, "thats just skatty thou". oooh how judgmental but at the end of the day we all agree with that. So the point im making is that, we shouldnt judge others for there own weird and wonderful ways and all get along, i hear you say. No dont be so stupid. judging is bad but theres reasons why certain people shouldnt be freinds or even aquaintances.

You would never find a hiker enthusiast with a game designer, or a goth with a chav at least not very often. What hiker wants to sit down and hear the woes of low pixel rate a game has, or does a goth want to sit down and listen to 50 cent? nooo, and it should stay that way, we dont have the same freinds for a very good reason.

Take the original idea of nudists and teenagers, imagine if i matthew leigh had a nudist bunch of mates lets think what would happen to my social life......... thats right it would shrink. AND THAT IS SERIOUS.

"oh yeh i was hangin out with mark the other day"
"isnt he the nudist?"
"oh yeh but hes a nice guy"
"oh ..... i see"

NOOOOOooooo wouldnt be right, they live in colonys for a VERY good reason. but its the same every where, i take the mick out of ben rowe for half wearing his belt and although its only a joke it proves why i probably will never be best buds with ben rowe, we dont fit in the same situation. or why stephen cant walk into a pub and just hang out or even why jade would look so weird in the lake district with a load of hikers. THOSE PEOPLE DONT GO TOGETHER. and thats fine and everyone can agree with that yet i know that somoen reading this will be thinking "those damm(insert people here) there as normal as graham norton on crystal meth"

and this is why nudists dont have teenager freinds because although at first you understand that they are there own people with a right to not wear clothes you end up thinking " WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE SO WEIRD" which puts an inbreakable judgment on them and therefore you avoid them even more.

All in all then the reason why people dont mix with there opposites is because a judgment is a mental substitiution for the people in question, and that judgement is what is soooo weird/wrong not the people themselves. If thats the case the only thing stopping teenagers being freinds with nudists, or goths with chavs etc, is there own stupid mind set.

the best way to beat that is to mock everyone ive been doing it for a while now and it works for me

THE LINK OF THE DAY and chapter 3

Today's BIG Fail - Angry Bottle Rocket
This video makes me laugh so much the sound makes it better and this is my monday magical link i might do more lets see how it goes hey.

I NEED FEEDBACK. and not by emailing my google account ben, by actually commenting on my blog, or emailing me at mattleigh2@hotmail.co.uk or maybe if you find it easier comment under the link on facebook as it hasnt got a layout invented by the idiot who did blogger. SOo moany different screens to do one thing.

ANYWHO i digress. I need feedback because at the moment it is chapter 3 of my three week book marrathon and martin is trapped in his hotel room without anything he can really do. PLS PLS feedback cus im crap at inventing a story line and im sure the 7 followers plus the readers who have nothing else to do on FB can come together to make a better one than i can do. plus now ive done 2 chapters i cant really stop now.

Chapter 3

Harringtons laywers firm, central office

"i could of had him Paul I could of had him"

Johns face was a picture, his latest case was a Mr Martin sommers and he was guilty. Blood everywhere, fingerprints, it was him and all he had to do now was arrive at court and ask the jury and they would say yes well that should of happened, but yet again he lost his cool.

"John, its three days and he will be back in court and you can convict him then, i mean its a strong case and his DNA everywhere"

Paul wasnt really paying attention to John and was spending his time munching an apple, reading the metro. something that to him was more interesting than the whines from John.

"yes i know that , but for god sake man, something isnt right with his motive, i mean hes a big guy this martin, its not like he would have to kill her for what he wanted"

Sweat beaded from his head, air con was out, again.

"John, hes a sick perverted maniac with a liking for women who dont fight back. Nothing else to it. I know it you know it and more importantly the jury know it now for God sake shut your face and get me a brew."

and thats what he did. even though the machine was about as useful as a community support officer. John had been working law for years. once a laywer you have a job for life. Especially when the economy goes. no money means more desperation which means more murders. Because of this John knew his job very well.

freinds and contacts in the police made him the wanted lawyer. He could get anyone behind bars if he wanted too although recently he was losing his cool in the court. Doesnt help when you have a newborn in the house, screaming until god knows when and obviously affecting his work. His wife Sarah, was responsible for that little gem, forgetting to take her daily pill.

Aside from the sick on the suite and the sleepless nights it wasnt so bad however. he had a family. The only problem is when your trying to convict someone for murder and you cant tell the difference between obvious and blatent evidence and the hunch that theres more to a case. This was why he had organised for sarah and the baby to move in with his mothers, hell for her but at least it meant he could get these few cases out of the way and get some sleep.

John was on his way back to his phone when he heard his phone ringing, carrying two teas isnt the most practicle way to pick a phone.

"Paul, could you get that mate im out of hands"

Paul diddnt even walk across from his office, he just looked through the glass partition opened the door behind him and rolled his chair from where he was sat to where Johns phone was. one lazy yet impressive sweep.

"Yeh, Harringtons, John saunders' office, who do i have the PLEASURE of talking to"

"Its a client you utter prat"

Paul knew it was a client and just stuck up his middle finger with a cheeky grin that could beat a five year old boy. after a lot of bull crapping over the phone he eventually passed it back to John who had only just put the teas down, and rolled back into his room yet again with no effort and landed back in front of the metro.

" Yes John saunders what can i do for you"

"I understand you are the man in charge of the Martin sommers prosecution"

"Yes thats correct can i ask who im talking to"

"are you still taking evidence?"
John was taken back, more evidence? that wasnt possible the evidence was huge already he could already take sommers down without a second thought. The problem is that it was almost certainly a prank call.

"im sorry who is this"

"i know something that may interest you mr saunders, your struggling over the idea of his motive ..."

"who is this, and how did you kn.."

"your quite right to be unsure, that wasnt his motive he wasnt after free sex mr saunders"
sweat was streaming down his face now and nothing to do with the air con.

"hang on ill write this down"

"i know why she died mr saunders, and i can prove it. we will be in touch"

"wait, hello. Dammit"

the phone was dead.

Chapter 2, and why you shoudlnt get me doing DIY

decking, is silly stupid and ridonkulous. What purpose does it serve? what is it for? whats more why get me to help buid it im not strong, i have no practicle sense and i cba. "its a beautiful day matt why not come help me"

ill tell you why, its hot, ill burn, ill sweat and then ill feel tired. anyways my miniture rant over. Chapther two and we have martin sommers a man who is in court for murder of a prostitute. we dont know if he has done it but thats up to you lot. thanks for the comments sandersons and i will take what you said into consideration but noone really said WHAT should happen nextso this is off of my head again. please leave your comments on what you think should happen in chapter 3.

Chapter 2

Martin was a tall man of thin stature and his seemingly mellow impression made him look like a stiff breeze could knock him over. Like all prisoners at the time his head was shaved and mysterious bruises started to appear from nowhere.

he had three days break before being sent back to court and inevitably prison and there was nothing he could really do about it. The only comfort he could find himself with was in the subtle overtones of alchohol from the bottle at his side. Not that it would help mind against the stress caused by an overcrowded prison and the constant deprivation on the steets. The country was at its knees and as a result everything slipped. Even the gravediggers are on strike which diddnt sit well with martin because he knew he was in for the death sentence, which meant he would be in a fridge as part of another pile of bodys waiting to be buried.

Martin diddnt live in the city and so he spent his time in some sort of B+B however it was more like a bed sit. The walls hadnt been cleaned since 2010 and the floor was covered with discarded cans.

"Look mate you wanna stay here? then itll be 50 a night no questions asked"

"50 is extortionate i have 20 for the three days its not like you have a quality institution"

"insult my institution means you insult me and that wont get you a room will it!"

The owner was a over 6'5 and built like a house, not surprising that when martin was put up against the wall he couldnt think straight for the next five minutes.

"Now listen here you lanky piece of crap, its 50 a night take it or leave it but you DONT disrepect my apartments? Is that clear?"

Martin just nodded. his face screwed up like a boy hu had just been smacked for stealing sweets. He payed that 50 a night and what it got him was a pile of springs for a bed and maggoty bread for the breakfast. That would have to do.

He sat on his bed not sleeping but thinking for the first night. what had happned was a mystery even for him, he couldnt even be sure he had killed her ...

"Yes, im out of prison for the moment.... yes i know its bad.... well i dont know thats the thing........ listen its not as bad as it sounds Mark... no i will have your money.... no the police diddnt get at it... and they dont know..... no Mark give me a week just a week and you will have it..... and the money yes....... no its not with me... but i know where it is... mark? mark?..........."

the phone was dead. Mark was a close associate of Martin and had been working with him for a while. The powder was his game, in these times even martin was involved. He was a brilliant accountant and when there is no honest men with accountancy to be done then the only money is with the dishonest ones.

and a hell of alot of it if you knew where to find it. Martin was an expert at it. the only problem with being so filthy rich is when everyone else isnt, they start to ask questions. A murder suspect with his hands in dirty money and powder = guilty and he knew it. so he was living off the 200 pounds he had snuck with him.

another problem is that when you work in the trade Martin worked in no money was yours. it was always your bosses. the money you did get was your running costs and nothing else. This meant that the £30,000 pounds he was carrying when he was about to be arrested would make him even more guilty and would mean that your boss was also hunting you down for it.

as it happens martin had hidden it in a bin. When covered in somone elses blood with the police after you it seems like the most sensible thing to do. as it happens it would still be there as the bin men were always on strike. But when your a suspected murderer people tend to follow you. Martin had decided to keep tight for the moment but the dealer, Mark was not so understanding on the phone and it wouldnt be long before there would be a bang at the door with Mark and two bull terriers behind it.

The only option he had was to sit and wait for the door to open. sit and wait for a feasible way out of this, whatever happened he needed that money.