on the subject of superpowers

ok in bens blog he rants on for ages on the subject of superpowers.

so thats whats going to happen here

FIRSTLY what power would i want most......

MIND CONTROL oh definately now this would mean the avoidance of paying for food, making people forget my awekward situations i put myself into and would also mean i could convince some one to pay me for blogging.

secondly my favourite super hero is:

BATMAN yeh right he diddnt even have a power

nope its actually hiro nakamura off of heroes. what a happy chappy. he has the power to stop or travel through time with his trusty freind ando oh yeh he also has kick "ass" samurai sword skills.

HIS CATCH PHRASE IS "YATTA"

My long awaited second blog actually about me

i say long awaited although thats just a blatent lie. noones been waiting for it ive just noticed the foul/ funny posts have been taking over recently and now im going to top you up with my latest rant on life.

i warn you now some of you may already of heard this one but it gets to me.

UGG BOOTS

ok i dont have a problem with them in particuler its just the stupidness of them now.

firstly i swear to God himself that all women from the age of 16 to the age of around 34 that you see in town now all look the same thanks to long blonde straightened hair, tight jeans/ jeggings and last but not least the ugg boot.

which have got furryier and furryier as the months go on. it starts of with the bland but ok looking standard uggs. then people decide to take the furr from the inside and use the as nice linings so it adds a nice touch to the boot.

now in the typical style of the fashion world someone decided to take it a step too far, in this case they ran three miles over the point of too far.

have a look around next time your in town, and you will notice that the shins of nearly every women/ girl wearing ugg boots is like a yeti. completely covered in fur to the point where the person does not have shins any more they just have huge cankles (where it is impossible to define the difference between foot and ankle).

Now why bother shaving your legs or even going to the insanity of waxing them if your just going to cover them up with 40 times the amount of fur???

now i dont know much about fashion as you have probably guessed so jades blogg is the best if you care enough to read about it but she does agree about the boots last time i asked. http://styleiconinpersonater.blogspot.com/

Rules of being near a leigh brother

ok so if you have seen me and my "lovely" brother dave next to eachother then you may notice after some times there are certain rules we expect the rest of the population to abide by.

there are loads so im not going to list them all just 20 of them..... lol
remember some of these rules are made by dave and i dont agree with them and some are made by me which dave thinks makes me "gay"

starting off at number

1. If it is possible to have your meal in a large version, then thats what your eating. otherwise your just a wimpy disgrace of a human being.

2. whats a vegetarian?

3. over 6 foot you are tall, below that you need to grow some more, gimli

4. "Bruv will never be a man"

5. stuff the shotgun rule im bigger than you are

6. If and when possible thoult shall mock wendels for his "titans"

7. If someone is perfectly fitted into a steryotype that is considered to be inferior or just ridiculous ( note the over bolded "i" and say it where necessary) then they are to be mocked either by imitating them or giving a screwed up/ constipated disgruntalled look.

8. THOULT SHALL GIVE ME THE REMOTE

9. The TV has 20 sound settings, lets find the 21st

10. whoever says that we look like our father should be talked down to with a calm yet stern "Can it"

11. Bruv is his name, what made you think otherwise

12. the leigh brothers do not look like eachother. well done, micheal jackson looked nothing like jamain

13. Someone outside of being a leigh will have the same opinion as said leigh. difference is too hard to comprehend

14. dave is stronger than bruv. may god save you if you say otherwise to dave

15. Bruv hasnt worked all day hes been at school

(heres bruvs section)
16. Dave is a burke and therefore all comments should be thought over if they have come from his mouth.

17. At home dave is nice enough to crack bruvs toes (without warning or permission). at some point remind him of his cruelness

18. Any man doubting the fitness of cheryl cole should get out.

19. neither of the leighs have ever counted the calories in their food. neither should you

20. if a film has no action, death or something to stimulate the mind within the first ten minutes do not be surprised if it is swiftly turned off.

and there we have it the 20 rules of being near a leigh brother hope you had a little inside chuckle(or LIC)

The concept of homework

.... is a pile of pee (which is a liquid but hey you now know my feeling towards homework)

yes now its fair enough the teacher must give you some questions to practise outside of the lesson but this is the problem.......

"In later life you wont get a second chance on doing work at home..." now thats what a teacher once said to me and i found 2 main problems with this.

1. the teacher on this stupid quote is mentioning later life not realising that she must not have a clue about later life because she went through school, through college, even university and after all of that became a teacher. in short how could she ever know what later life is like, she never left the education system.

2. another problem is that in later life she is presuming that i will be at work. yes thats true but at what job do you get set homework? thats right teaching....

3. and the last problem is that by saying "...you wont get a second chance..." is assuming that i want the second chance to do the homework. Which if that was the case i would of done my homework in the first place and she wouldn't of needed to say it.

all of which leads me to beleive that when teachers set homework its because they know no different. they dont realise that we dont learn by homework. IF we do it its half arssed with a big help from wikipedia and after all i when on to get a B in that subject without a single minute of homework or revision. shame on you teacher!!!

BRUVS SELF HELP

yes here is my first in self help posts for your enjoyment. remember i hold no responsibility for you being a burke and actually beleiving what im about to type.

First step to becoming a less stressful and more relaxed individual is remembering to follow the 4 steps.

1. SOUL

this is most in depth and individual step and should be taken with a degree of caution.

when in a situation of worry or stress just think. "who am i?" now remember events that you have been through or people that you know do not make up who you are!! think if your a cheery extrovert or a more secluded introvert and think should I be worrying about this? is this me?

If not then why are you worrying about this for god sake you will do a lot better for yourself if you keep to your own or keep to the important. and if this is you then your where you stop. relax and realising that you shouldnt be worrying about this..

2. Emotion

The second step is simple and is the step that everyone seems to skip to. How does this situation make you feel? if the sitaution is making you feel really bad then what is it about the situation thats making you feel this way? what exactly is the scource of all your worry, stress doubt or anxiety? without this step its impossible to move on so it is important to realise how you feel and why you feel like this. of course youve got to make sure that your not being irrational. like girls do when someone hurts there mate. "OH GOD HOW DARE THEY DO THAT TO HER SHES MY BEST MATE.......etc" remember in them situations as much as you would love to help your mate it isnt your problem to be feeling bad about and so if this is the start of all bad feelings... GET A GRIP.

3. Mind

This is a step wich everyone assumes they have done.

USE YOUR LOAF! (loaf = brain)

by this point you know that it is up to you to think about the situation (soul)

you know where the feeling of stress is from (emotion)

and now you have to think how to fix this situation. and no it wont feel better if you sit and worry about it. How are u going to go and fix this problem? if there isnt any physical thing you can do then stop thinking on the situation cus theres naff all you can do to help it.

and thats the key of this step.

4.Body

This is the hardest part.....

youve thought of a solution so now is the time to get off your back side and do it!!!

if your still stressing after this you need to remember back to (mind) theres nothing else you can do so stop thinking on it!!! if the problem goes tits up at this point then thats a shame but you did your best so there is no point stressing about something that is certainly going to go wrong. just remember to prepare as much as possible for the cause of the worry and you should be fine.

and thats it pls leave your comments on facebook or here.

when i wikied about horrible parasites

ok here is the countdown of horrid pests. (not in any perticuler order just ones i find out first)

5. THE EARWIG

earwig is rarely known to be a parasite but looks horrid just the same errr.

4.Tapeworm

Taeniasis is a tapeworm infection. Tapeworm infestation does not usually cause any symptoms. Infection is generally recognized when the infected person passes segments of proglottids in the stool, especially if the segment is moving. Mmm sounds like fun! Not. People acquire tapeworms by eating undercooked meat or freshwater fish that contain tapeworm cysts. Tapeworms in the intestine usually cause no symptoms but may cause abdominal discomfort, diarrhoea, and loss of appetite. Though however if they are in the brain, larval cysts cause various symptoms, such as headaches, seizures, and confusion. [JFrater: Given the choice of a picture of the worm itself, and the picture above, it was a no-brainer.]

3. Guinea worm

Guinea worm disease used to thrive in some of the world's poorest areas, particularly those with limited or no access to clean water, can grow to 2–3 feet long and be as thick as a noodle. larvae find their way to the body cavity where the female mates with a male Guinea worm. The male worm dies after mating and is absorbed.The female, which contains larvae, burrows into the deeper connective tissues or adjacent to long bones or joints of the extremities. FESTERING

2. Candiru the pee fish

Candirus are small fish. Adults can grow to around 15 cm with a rather small head and a belly that can appear distended, especially after a large blood meal. The body is translucent making it quite difficult to spot in the turbid waters of its home. There are short sensory barbels around the head, together with short, backward pointing spines on the gill covers. In this instance, the victim claimed that the candiru "jumped" into his urethra as he urinated while thigh-deep in a river. (his urethra being the hole where u pee from OUCH!)

1. The Ascaris worm

The next worm to grace our list is arguably the most disgusting of the lot. A larger cousin of the Hookworm, Ascaris is a giant sized roundworm that can reach as long as 40cm, as opposed to little over 1cm. It too sets up shop in its host's small intestine, using its characteristic mouth, which is surrounded by three less than luscious lips. Ascaris is in fact the parasite most familiar to us humans, though the fact that up to 25% percent of the world's population is infected certainly doesn't make it any more welcome in our bowels. Sickness, fever, and heavy infestations with severe intestinal blockages kill up to 20,000 people a year.

Quotes about myself from fellow piers

1. "in that jacket you command a certain authority that still leaves you approachable" Beth

2. "YOU ARE PART OF THE LUMINATI!!" Angela Smith

3. "You moron." Stephen mabbut

4. "your such a pedo matt" Jade cast, Tom cast, Lewis ward, Tahir Khan, Jamie Buchan, Megan Rodger

5. "you utter burke" myself

6. "alright shag" Dave leigh

7. "yeh we super glued the table... You have really clear skin!" Jade cast

8. " you tit" Dan Ley

9. "nice belly matt...." Beth

10. "you look very old today" Dave leigh