BLAST FROM THE PAST

Last year on the 24th of April i posted some rules....... rules that im interested to see how they've changed.....

THE 20 RULES OF BEING  NEAR A LEIGH

ok so if you have seen me and my "lovely" brother dave next to eachother then you may notice after some time there are certain rules we expect the rest of the population to abide by.

there are loads so im not going to list them all just 20 of them..... lol
remember some of these rules are made by dave and i dont agree with them and some are made by me which dave thinks makes me "gay"

starting off at number

1. If it is possible to have your meal in a large version, then thats what your eating. otherwise your just a wimpy disgrace of a human being.


2. whats a vegetarian?

3. over 6 foot you are tall, below that you need to grow some more, gimli

4. "Bruv will never be a man"

5. stuff the shotgun rule im bigger than you are

6. If and when possible thoult shall mock wendels for his "titans"

7. If someone is perfectly fitted into a steryotype that is considered to be inferior or just ridiculous ( note the over bolded "i" and say it where necessary) then they are to be mocked either by imitating them or giving a screwed up/ constipated disgruntalled look.

8. THOULT SHALL GIVE ME THE REMOTE

9. The TV has 20 sound settings, lets find the 21st

10. whoever says that we look like our father should be talked down to with a calm yet stern "Can it"

11. Bruv is his name, what made you think otherwise

12. the leigh brothers do not look like eachother. well done, micheal jackson looked nothing like jamain

13. Someone outside of being a leigh will have the same opinion as said leigh. difference is too hard to comprehend

14. dave is stronger than bruv. may god save you if you say otherwise to dave

15. Bruv hasnt worked all day hes been at school

(heres bruvs section)
16. Dave is a burke and therefore all comments should be thought over if they have come from his mouth.

17. At home dave is nice enough to crack bruvs toes (without warning or permission). at some point remind him of his cruelness

18. Any man doubting the fitness of cheryl cole should get out.

19. neither of the leighs have ever counted the calories in their food. neither should you

20. if a film has no action, death or something to stimulate the mind within the first ten minutes do not be surprised if it is swiftly turned off.

and there we have it the 20 rules of being near a leigh brother hope you had a little inside chuckle(or LIC)

GRAAAPEERRS

Thats what my parents call it, and is the bible basher's social event of the year.

Grapevine 2011 was legendary although i wasn't there for half of it.
If i was to advertise it none of you would want to go.

Where Is it u may ask?
LINCOLN.

Where is it?
LINCOLNSHIRE SHOWGROUND

So it's a field?
YES

What do you do while your there?
HAVE CHURCH SERVICES TWICE A DAY.

SO to round up its in a field in the forgotten county of the country, standing in bible bashing services for twice a day.

That would be true if the services didn't speak to you in the way that they did.
Also that would be forgetting the people that go and the banter that ensues.

Me playing football and ending up beached again was a good note. We won 8, 2.

Sleeping in the worst stink of all. Dan ley's tent.

Staying up till all hours with people who you love to spend time with.

Skipping.

And spending the time in my dads jacket. Strange experience when a jacket fits you in every area apart from girth. well that's what you get for forgetting your own.

And last but not least was Tom Cast being kegged by his sister.

It takes alot of people to make a good thing sound bad.

Cowboys and aliens.

Well it took a lot of people in a board meeting to think up that name,,,

"Well paul what does it include?"
Cowboys against aliens.
"I know what we shall call it...."

What a way to make a film seem worse than it is, give it a name that sums up the entire film in three words.
Even the Return of the king puts a downer on it. I mean even Tolkien didn't decide that name because it was a big fat spoiler before anyone spent the 4 and a half hours watching it.

There's been a history of film names that have done the same. Some with oscar winning actors, the men who stare at goats is one of them. Even star wars, the return of the jedi, the empire strikes back, a new hope. In fact if you wanted to sum up what happens just look at the titles in order and you can work it out.

Theres a new film coming out soon and this one is just brilliant.

Its called.....

THE THING


Im not even joking. Theres a guy who has written a script. It gets picked up by the director and somewhere in that process someone decides to call it that. Perhaps its a homage to the classic film...

THE BLOB


At least this has comedic value.

2 hours late with an early start

Well the university clearing houses were open on Thursday from 8 in the morning.

That means that people from all over the country were finding out there grades and contacting there uni's in a race to get there place from 8 in the morning.

That means of course, that the Nottingham Emmanuel school had to open at 10 instead.
Well not that it matters to me im in year 13 next term but hey all my mates are in that lovely place of trying to calculate little "UCAS" points from that general studies exam you forgot about, that allowed you to just get into uni.

This means that when the school gates are shut, there's a hundred of impatient 18/19 year olds and even though the teacher who i have rung has said you can come in through reception (i wont explain why i have there number, its a long story, amusing.... but i dont have the time or effort) the lovely and slightly mindless receptionist is having none of it because its not 10 oclock......

its ten to 10.

Results openings are one of two ways, GREAT

or TERRIBLE.

If you get awesome grades, GREAT, if you get ok grades that you worked reasonably well for, GREAT, if you get bad grades, TERRIBLE, if you get ok grades but you spent every waking hour of your life studying in silence, TERRIBLE, if you get amazing grades but a man with a gun to your parents heads is going to shoot if you get an A, well it could be terrible but it depends on your parents.

well for me i broke this rule and created a third way.

I got a B in drama, C in computing and a D in Psychology. Not bad.
And there it is, NOT BAD

Double Jeapordy

If you go out with Twins you will have several problems.

My solution is to go out with just one of them instead.....

Although this puts pressure on to you in other ways.
The twin that you are with will either be comparing herself with the other ones relationship meaning that if the other twin has a romantic meal out with her boyfriend you also will be subtly expected to do something similar.
If she isn't doing this then her family and friends, as well as your own family and friends will......

So for example if the other twin with red hair decides to get engaged..........
Thats bad enough but when you end up at the other twins wedding du, you find yourself in a room filled with people who are comparing you to the happy couple.

In fact there was even an official photographer that took mine and Cath's picture.
"because shes the chiefs bridesmaid."

I don't beleive that for one second. Its because the chief's bridesmaid so happens to be the brides twin sister. and as i am her boyfriend, that makes us next in line doesn't it............

And that unsaid belief amongst the family clan of spectators means that of course I must go meet them all.
There's Catherine showing me off...... Bad enough.

And you can see it in their eyes... what will the ring look like, when will it be, will they have children, yes they will! i wonder if it's a boy or girl...


Then at the point where i want to drop my mature and charming appearance, its sweet Catherine who makes it worse and confirms there suspicions by cooing over the nearest baby........

Wasted on Friday night

That's how i am, wasted...

Since there's no youth group through the holidays there will be several things that will be wasting tonight.

My time will be wasted watching "a question of sport" followed by whatever film is on film 4.

The many calories and energy that i will have taken in from my pizza will be wasted as i predict that for the rest of the night i will be sat.

I cant believe how different it is without youth group.

Normally i can be sure of the fact that it is the end of the week by getting on a minibus and spending the night mocking small teenagers. However the only proof in the holidays that it is the weekend is the knowledge that im at work tomorrow.....

This starts to get to me when i realize that im not missing out on my Saturdays as i then have the rest of the week to do nothing......

Then this gets to me as i then realize why weekends are normally so good

Because we've just had a week at work, school and college, a good Saturday of hanging out or doing nothing seems appealing.

Weeks of holiday...... bored

What have i come to, my cynicism has reached a new level.

Im criticizing the summer holiday

Misty eyed

Isn't it brilliant when you try and organize an ice skating trip with mates who are unable to come on the same day. Oh well, me and Dan had a nice time at least.

It seems though that hardly anyone else had the idea of going skating today, it was virtually empty.

In fact the place was only just opened for public use so the ice had a mist that was settled at a certain level.

This level was at a certain level equal to where Dan's head is. Bless.

At least he doesn't where glasses, for it means that you end up misty eyed. 

When only Dan is around that's not really what you want.

However Dan was the least ridiculous person out of the few that were at the rink.

We had a confrontation...... With a very angry lass that was about 20 who had a go at us for taking the banter out of a certain man in full grey tracksuit because of the kind of skates he was wearing.

The grey tracksuite would of been a more obvious target of mocking but no. I think the term that was used was

"There different skates, are they hockey cus there kind of in the middle"

Apparently this man was very upset with the comments he heard and would like an apology. 

Thats when the man himself came forward and quite frankly left us alone after we repeated what we had said.

5 minutes of skating time...... wasted by the numptys of the public. Political correctness has reached a new height.

If you say something about someone else, irrelevant of whether its negative or not, it is offensive.